she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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