My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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