they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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