I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
