i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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