My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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