this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize