i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
