Barsexuality is the new black.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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