He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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