i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
