R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
