In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
