I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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