And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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