The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
