We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
