Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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