So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
