I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
