I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Four minutes until I can fart!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
