I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im holly from the hills drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
