I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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