Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize