this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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