Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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