The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
