home. puking in laundry basket.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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