did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
