I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
