i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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