dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
