is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
