i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
