i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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