I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize