I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
