Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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