he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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