Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize