He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize