I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize