you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
