The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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