I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
