hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
