I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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