One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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