You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
