Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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