I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What drink are we having for lunch?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
