Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
