She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
