smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
