i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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