We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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