I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is Oprah even human
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
