so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
