They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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