I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
