as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i out mim tonsoeep
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
