Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
vagina is talking i cant
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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