The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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