you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
