Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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