i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
