what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
