If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
