can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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