Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
