she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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