Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
