guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
