Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
