I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
