All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
