the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
And then he peed in my hair
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