sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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