The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
