I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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