ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
