things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
