Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
