Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you will always have a special place in my vag
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize