I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
