I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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