Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
