Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
