Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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