if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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