so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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