Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize