lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
