You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
