god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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