she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
