Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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