i jhust puked up my retainher.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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