fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
