Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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