she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there was a trapeze. enough said
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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