ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
