So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
