There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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